good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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