Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
