So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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