dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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