Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
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just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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