i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
