a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.