Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
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Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
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.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.