Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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