his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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