there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
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Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
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Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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