I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
you never un-have a 4some
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
