Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
There are leaves in my underwear?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
