i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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