my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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