When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
