I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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