you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
