if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
