i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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