Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
