I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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