I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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