you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
