She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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