This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
