...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
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She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
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You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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