loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
