That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
