I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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