I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
