PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
it was like eating out sand paper
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
