We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
40s are totally the cure
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
