why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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