My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
third nipple confirmed
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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