i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
