forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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