Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
