Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
