...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
