so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
do nipples grow back?
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