He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My liver just had a heart attack.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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