we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
