Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
