So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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