so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I think my moral compass just broke
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
