my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
