What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
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Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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