Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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