dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
