Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
