i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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