I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
