How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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