My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
