Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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