Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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