i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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