the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
