Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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