Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Randomize
